Interest · 24 June 2001

This branchless bank conglomerate thingy from Holland has been stinking up the Canadian brandscape lately – campaigning aggressively with stupidass advertising hung around the colour pumpkin and the dubious cutline “Save your money.”

Recent media churn has focused on its “high-interest” savings plans; ads feature a stern, asexual schoolmarm pacing before reassuring PowerPoint slides, chastising consumers for sloppy savings skills. (Regression: You haven’t saved for a rainy day. Transference: The ING high-interest savings account will steer you to safety.) She offers an example: “If you save just $25 a week, in a year your high-interest savings account will turn it into $1352”

I hate to go all Andy Rooney here, but Mr Calculator counters that 52 weeks of $25 deposits into a fucking sock will generate $1300. Handing $1300 to Dutch investors to play with for a year gains you $52. But you get to feel like a participant in globalism.

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