On Canada Day · 1 July 2002
To be direct:
Nortel STRUCTURALLY SOUND AS Saskatchewan TOURED RELUCTANTLY BY The Tragically Hip INTERCHANGEABLE WITH Kids in the Hall RELEVANT AS Gino Vanelli TRANSMUTATED INTO Céline Dion BRITTLE AND ASEXUAL AS Margaret Atwood INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO Adrienne Clarkson TUGS ALONG John Ralston Saul BEGETS Mark Kingwell PAID BY Izzy Asper LOSES AT GOLF TO Jean Chrétien IGNORES Conrad Black FELLATED BY Mark Steyn GAZES DREAMILY AT David Frum REFUSED SEX BY Danielle Crittenden UNKNOWN BY Everyone SUFFERING FROM The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation DESTROYED BY Perrin Beatty UCC ROOMATE OF David Gilmour INTERCHANGEABLE WITH Daniel Richler INTERCHANGEABLE WITH Ken Finkleman CANNOT EXPLAIN Danny Finkleman.
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