Having an iPhone means never saying no to "Do you mind waiting here for a minute, sweetie?"
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from iPhone: 53.518616,-113.499939
Who am I kidding? I'm just waiting for it to get dark enough so I can replace procrastination via internet with procrastination via LOST.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
1 hour, 6 minutes agoView original
Why can't science figure out how to make Sugar Babies without all the sugar while still maintaining the delicious taste of babies?
FarkerPeaceboy from Left Edge of U.S.
1 hour, 8 minutes agoView original
@tj Get your own material, buddy. I have to live with him, so I get all the jokes.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 hour, 13 minutes agoView original
Twitter informs me there's an issue affecting my Twitter relationships. No shit, Sherlock. That "issue" is my tweets.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
1 hour, 29 minutes agoView original
My ex got mad at me after her abortion.
Because I didn't tell her
(and she didn't notice until after)
that she had spinach in her vagina.
awryone (Josh Donoghue) from Connecticut
1 hour, 41 minutes agoView original
I was hoping the epic meme would die off until I heard Gruber said it was keeping him off Twitter. Now I'm thinking "Jerry Lewis telethon".
tj (TJ)
1 hour, 41 minutes agoView original
FIRST!
SmartAsshat (Smart as Shat) from Boldly Going Nowhere
1 hour, 44 minutes agoView original
It sucks that I can't tweet about being illiterate. Seems like that would be a _goldmine_ for funny.
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
3 hours, 5 minutes agoView original
The only cure for some days is to remove your pants and curl up tiny. If you retards fave this bullshit, I will never come back.
emilybrianna (Emily) from Louisville, Kentucky
3 hours, 31 minutes agoView original
Hey, remember when we all hated on each other for trying, for just a moment, to be part of something bigger than ourselves?
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
3 hours, 34 minutes agoView original
Hey quick. Somebody do that one about OH being about Iowa or something. Yeah, that shit was funny.
SeoulBrother from Tacoma
3 hours, 41 minutes agoView original
Nothing makes me happier than to get notification that my best friend, Penis Enhancement, has left a comment on our corporate blog.
jmspool (Jared M. Spool) from 510 Turnpike St, MA 01845, USA
3 hours, 59 minutes agoView original
The worst part about the McDonald's coffee / morning news controversy is the subtext that removing the cups will restore credibility.
scottsimpson (Scott Simpson) from iPhone: 37.381515,-122.115814
4 hours, 4 minutes agoView original
I'm quite happy to have fair-weather friends. I mean, who wants to go out when it's raining, anyhow? That's what that means, right?
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
4 hours, 5 minutes agoView original
EPIC INHALE
darthvader (Darth Vader) from Empire, CO
4 hours, 6 minutes agoView original
Oil production levels are being held at current levels? OPEC FAIL
meyerweb (Eric A. Meyer) from USA
4 hours, 8 minutes agoView original
1. Launch Twitterrific.
2. Check if people are still doing that thing.
3. Immediately quit Twitterrific and wait a few more hours.
gruber (John Gruber) from Philadelphia
4 hours, 34 minutes agoView original
How fucking sad is it that I go to type in the URL of the site I work for and I type in TWITTER.COM instead?
pdxgrrrl (Brie B.) from Portland, OR
4 hours, 37 minutes agoView original
When people say they're gonna "shoot you an email," it makes me want to "shoot them in the face."
jhuston from Chicago, IL
4 hours, 43 minutes agoView original
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