"Michael Jackson is said to be living on a diet of gravy, painkillers, and biscuits" is my favorite sentence ever. Also, my favorite diet.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
6 days, 3 hours agoView original
42
Husband wants the tivo.com password to schedule shows from his phone. AS IF. I stay out of his office, he stays out of mine.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
6 days, 6 hours agoView original
22
I don't get the NOM NOM thing. It's like I'm on a different internet. Is it related to the cats thing? Because I don't go that way, either.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
6 days, 6 hours agoView original
17
@nictate We went through a rough patch during which a 2 year-old Jonas called every heavy-set black woman he saw "Oprah".
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
14
@Tony_D I would honestly just walk out the front door and never come back.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 4 days agoView original
2
@Moltz He keeps bursting into crazy laughter and yelling, "Look at this, Amy! I can't get enough of this kid smoking!" It's getting old.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 4 days agoView original
1
"Daddy is a little slow on the uptake." Say what you will about raising kids on TV, but it does make them say the most delightful things.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 5 days agoView original
24
"Foaming Pipe Snake": Band name, sex toy, or Drano product?
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 5 days agoView original
16
The boy said to me, "Get me some pretzels, ya hockey puck!" And you know what I did? I got him some fucking pretzels.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 5 days agoView original
39
@lonelysandwich Also, you're first up for our "Twitterer homeschooling our kid" exchange. You're going to live in our basement for a week.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 6 days agoView original
2
@lonelysandwich That would really present a dilemma for John, because he despises tattoos. But how could he resist?
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 6 days agoView original
1
My mom always said I'd regret my tattoos at 35. But now I actually think, "I should get more, I'm 35, who gives a fuck?"
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
1 week, 6 days agoView original
23
Jonas is talking on a pretend cell phone. He just said, "Both of my parents are in jail." That's not weird, right?
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
27
Jonas is running around yelling, "Flame on!" Is this from a movie or some sort of anti-Prop 8 chant?
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
24
New idea: We skip the private school and use that money to fly in a guest Twitterer each week to homeschool the kid.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
20
While I appreciate the suggestions, if you think I put up with this bullshit here for eight years to move to Canada NOW, you're nuts.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
11
@blurb I think Utah is gorgeous. I need a boozier, Mormon-free Utah. You guys are on that, right?
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
7
@scottsimpson Exactly. Like a Twitter town. And there's booze and guns and drugs but it's OK because we're all nice people.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
8
If we move out of the city I want to live in the middle of nowhere. Like in a compound. Hunter S. Thompson-style.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
3
I'm getting a lot of Pacific Northwest answers. But what about that rain you people are always going on about? And I like using umbrellas.
AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) from Philadelphia
2