My grandmother sent me a taxidermy kit for my birthday. Apparently she misunderstood the "enjoys stuffing beavers" bit on my Facebook page.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
2
On which day did god create Twinkies? On that day I will give thanks.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
3
WTF? How did I end up in Blanding Utah again?
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
1
Horrible realization today that the phrase "got my tit in a wringer" was probably not originally a metaphor.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
13
Client gave me club section tix to Dbacks. Don't give a damn about baseball. I'll tear off the stubs to avoid the cover at the strip club.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
2
Am I the last person to learn that Elizabeth Montgomery had two Dicks?
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
6
Started guitar lessons. Harsh realization that air guitar skills I've honed over past 30 years are not transferrable.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
2
I like my job. Nevertheless, when I walk out of here each Friday, I think "Fuck you, work."
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
1
Sent my short film competition foes an email invite to check out the new Rick Astley music video. Linked to my film. #ReverseRickRoll
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
2
Sarah Palin says "ironically" when she means "coincidentally." (Tip of the hat to @mogrify.)
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
2
Sarah Palin codes websites in tables. (Sorry I'm late, I've been in meetings all day.)
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
1
Wife: "Are you thinking about joining th..." Son (12): "No." Wife: "You don't know what I was going to say." Son: "No, but you said 'join.'"
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
7
Grabbed the detergent rather than the lotion while watching Cinemax last night. Now my unit is irritated, peeling, and lemony fresh.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
12
Printed the best of @nostrich cute barista tweets and slipped them to my cute barista this morning. #metastalking
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
10
How long can you survive just sitting around a coffee shop and sleeping with your neighbors? I'm asking for Friends.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
10
Too bad they don't Gitmo prisoners have Twitter. I'll bet reading some of these tweets would really brighten their day.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
2
Used to be, you squeezed a butt in the office and you got a slap or a date. Now you get a lawsuit. Who let the Girl Scouts in here, anyway?
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
7
@tj http://twitpic.com/8dlf - So, wait, my lifetime of problems understanding women could have been solved by software?
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
2
British chick in the office called me "cheeky." I suspect it may have been the assless chaps.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
5
I'll bet if Rick James were still around, he'd be pretty disappointed to learn that his beloved "Mary Jane" had become drug slang.
EdTank (Ed T) from Phx
1