Due to the current economic climate, the failwhale will be replaced with a goldfish.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1 hour, 46 minutes agoView original
2
I wish I had a hippo. I could keep it in the bath. I'd feed it leftovers and ride it to work. I'd name it "skinny". Or "sassypants".
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1
There are women I've never seen, but would shag purely because of their voice. Is that wrong?
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1 day, 19 hours agoView original
1
bollocks crap shit arse twat cock fuck balls twunt pissflaps thundercunt, i can't view the triggers on this table :-/
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1 day, 21 hours agoView original
1
Today's list: launch new Intranet and CoP, do Intranet updates, CV processor, hide evidence, get girl, kill baddies, save planet.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 days, 2 hours agoView original
1
Orange background, blue headers, large text. Welcome to the Fisher Price Intranet.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
3 days, 1 hour agoView original
2
Couldn't sleep last night, at all. Now I'm at work and finding it hard to stay awake. Also I decided it would be Mila. She's way hotter.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
3 days, 2 hours agoView original
1
Christmas fact: If you're an Aunt or Uncle, it's against the law to stay sober on Christmas day.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1
Christmas fact: Santa's elves are an endangered species. The problem is, they're all gay so they don't mate. They're all test tube babies.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
1
Just sneezed 9 times in a row. It wasn't as good as they'd lead you to believe.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
1
Christmas fact: Santa's name was taken from the Hans Christian Antersen's story, "Santa claws the faces of the non-believers".
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
1
No, @triviabot.. "I am" may be the shortest sentence in the English language, but "I do" is the longest sentence.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
1
@Kalli Awesome fact: College boys keep socks in their "give a fuck" drawer. Unless they have a girlfriend. Then they keep it under the bed.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
1
'twas 3 nights before Christmas, and every twunt in Europe decided to visit the Launceston branch of Tesco.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
1
Dear Santa, I would like some fertiliser, loads of custard powder, petrol, orange juice, polystyrene and a remote detonator. Love, Foss.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
2
I have a cold. Being male, this means I might die today.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 3 days agoView original
2
GOODNIGHT TWITTER. NO APOLOGIES FOR THE CAPS. THIS IS HOW THE FUCK I ROLL SOMETIMES.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 5 days agoView original
5
Twitter: It's like the world is pretending to listen, while secretly making the wanker sign behind my back. AWESOME!
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 5 days agoView original
1
You twitterers are a funny bunch of fuckers, I'll give you that.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 5 days agoView original
1
Dearest Ms Perry, your delicate punk-pop melodies and complicated lyrical musings are a testament to the blossoming flower of SHUTTHEFUCKUP
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 6 days agoView original
1