Just submitted a faculty-job application. I probably should block this twitter account until I hear back from them.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
17 hours, 34 minutes agoView original
1
Kids were fighting over a tinker-toys. Invoking Solomon, I offered to cut the toy in half. They accepted. Are now slicing all of their toys.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
3 days, 23 hours agoView original
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@vmarinelli What kind of Quaker Meeting House allows blackberries and twittering?
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
3 days, 23 hours agoView original
1
After getting my butt kicked in Chutes & Ladders, I wrote a simulator to identify best strategies. Seriously. That's not a joke.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
4 days, 2 hours agoView original
2
Did Milton and Bradley realize when they designed it that a Chutes & Ladders game can formally last forever? This game is proof of it.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
4 days, 17 hours agoView original
3
I think that next time, I will try a new strategy: more Ladders than Chutes.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
4 days, 18 hours agoView original
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Daughter and I were playing doctor with her doll. After four foot amputations we had to lobotomize. With the toy circ saw. It was AWESOME.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
4 days, 19 hours agoView original
4
Can other twitter dads out there help me brainstorm some alternatives to the term "playdate"? Something a little cooler? PlayHangOutSession?
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
4 days, 20 hours agoView original
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To the person who designed the cup attached to the top of a WALL-E snowglobe: Come and clean up the spilled milk. I don't blame my daughter.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
4 days, 20 hours agoView original
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It's okay for me to increase the dosage without consulting my doctor because I think I really need it, right?
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
4 days, 20 hours agoView original
3
The apartment complex's Free WiFi started today! It costs $50. Also, it doesn't seem to be WiFi'ing.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
5 days, 15 hours agoView original
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"I knew it wasn't me. Knew it wasn't Girl cause her chair is plastic and Boy was standing. Had to be you."
"You're the Nancy Drew of farts."
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm
6 days, 2 hours agoView original
3
Every time my wife leaves me home alone with the kids, she gives me a look that says "Please try to fuck up as little as possible."
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
6 days, 23 hours agoView original
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Oh man. I just accidentally deleted the greatest playlist ever. I'm going to bed.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
@srah Roads not plowed yet?
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
1 week, 2 days agoView original
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"We fucked like kittens."
"What does that mean?"
"I mean, I fucked her like she was a kitten."
"That's not helping."
"But-"
"Please stop"
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
1 week, 2 days agoView original
15
My precocious (almost) three-year-old daughter can tell lies like a six-year-old. Thinking about private school for her.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
1 week, 2 days agoView original
2
Found a girl's driver's license on the road. What's the least I'm required to do? Message her on facebook, mail it, or drive over there?
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
1 week, 3 days agoView original
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Stayed up too late getting addicted to Firefly.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
1 week, 4 days agoView original
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Son: A daddy can't marry a daddy.
Us: Yes they can. Like your friends' X&Y's daddies.
Son: Oh. But daddies don't wear dresses.
Us: Actually.
kayhan from where the sun don't shine @5pm.
1 week, 5 days agoView original
2