You might think I'm an introvert because I didn't answer that knock at the door. Truth is, I just don't like talking to people.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
11 hours, 47 minutes agoView original
11
Based on the number of replies to that, I propose a new Balance Board saying: "Woah, had a limb amputated recently? You're a FEATHER."
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
13 hours, 20 minutes agoView original
2
Why does the Wii Fit exclaim "OH!" melodramatically when you step on it? No this isn't an Asian ass. Just come right out and say it, bitch!
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
15 hours, 28 minutes agoView original
6
Men are easy maintenance. I've never had a guy question my friendship based on whether I fawned or didn't fawn over a scrapbook project.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
16 hours, 56 minutes agoView original
10
HIM: You hate anyone with a vagina. ME: NO. At least 1/2 of my imaginary Twitter friends have vaginas. And what about the Real Housewives?!
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
17 hours, 48 minutes agoView original
8
I've finally been to the other side of "lady, shut that kid UP!" It tastes like green Nyquil and the gravity before a suicide.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
19 hours, 20 minutes agoView original
11
Okay I'll admit it. My secret for (sometimes) winning @favrdbot's love: sweet, delicious bribery pretzel sticks. http://twitpic.com/100st
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
1 day, 12 hours agoView original
9
@tehawesome Anemone is funny when you say it out loud but daffodil has DAFF in it, so you're 4/5 of the way to daffy. Well played.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
2 days, 15 hours agoView original
1
Did you know the word _snowboarder_ is from the Inuit _he who gets pwned by punk-ass kids and falls a lot_ ?
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
2 days, 16 hours agoView original
6
http://twitpic.com/zyp1 - I can't get away from them, even here. His angry resin stare. Look away or I won't be able to go!
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
2 days, 17 hours agoView original
2
Day 1 of post-travel naptime reboot. Plan A sucking pretty bad. Wondering if I should just skip straight to Plan B: Benadryl and brandy.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
2 days, 18 hours agoView original
2
Don't you reach the secret level of Facebook by posting +25 face-licking, boob-grabbing pictures? It's called "No Facebooker left behind."
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
2 days, 20 hours agoView original
4
When eating it on a snowboard, always attempt to fall forwards, rather than back.This message was brought to you by: my coccyx.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
3 days, 12 hours agoView original
8
2 days in Big Bear. Number of actual bears seen=0. Number of whimsical bear statues seen=3289.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
4 days, 8 hours agoView original
5
HIM (singing) Mel is snoo-oo-oozing. In.the game of staying awake she's lo-o-osing. She did too much boo-oo-oozing.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
4 days, 8 hours agoView original
2
At Knotts Berry Farm, not even thinking about funnel cake even a little bit. Gee these carrot sticks are so delicious.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
6 days, 15 hours agoView original
3
A discussion I anticipate having later tonight: HIM: Did you get X,Y, and Z done? ME: No, too busy. HIM: But I see you had time to TWITTER.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
6
Absentmindedly rubbed my eyes for half an hour and now look like I'm auditioning for the white version of the Ike & Tina Story.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
5
ME: But I don't even have guy friends! HIM: Of course not. Where'd your missing followers go, hmm? I've put 5 bodies in the river already.
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
4
@tdavenport Whore? People ascribe labels to others of what they hate most in themselves. That's why I diss people with "way too awesome."
mayjah (Melissa) from foothills of Los Angeles
7