Well maybe I AM the smartest crayon in the box!
Did you ever think of that? HUH?
Maybe it's a box of extra stupid crayons!
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
18
I'm a smart woman, but if I come across your Web site and immediately say to myself: "I don't get it." Well then you've got a problem.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
1 hour, 9 minutes agoView original
5
I don't care how many layers you wear, but since I can see each & every one I'm going to go ahead & assume you're a hobo with an office job.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
3 hours, 38 minutes agoView original
11
WHOA lady! Put a coat on! You must be freezing!
Oh. You're not real. Got me again, billboard. Very funny.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
5 hours, 25 minutes agoView original
7
I just fed myself.
Applause, please.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
16 hours, 18 minutes agoView original
5
A group of people moving up a flght of stairs can only move as quickly as the person at the front so MOVE IT, LADY!!
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
1 day, 6 hours agoView original
3
If there were ever a stairwell in an apartment building that was perfect for attacking someone, it's mine. That's not an invitation. Creeps.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
1 day, 16 hours agoView original
3
A dog isn't a dog unless it barks like a dog. If it barks like a wind-up toy, it's not a dog. It's something else. Something sad and dirty.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
1 day, 17 hours agoView original
6
Remember the tinman found he had what he thought he lacked. Remember the tinman; go find your heart and bring it back.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
1 day, 20 hours agoView original
1
Huh. I seem to be losing an unusually large amount of eyelashes today. Are you people stealing my wishes?
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
1 day, 22 hours agoView original
4
I plan on doing many naughty things to 2009, things I was too nervous to ask 2008 to do for me.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
2 days, 3 hours agoView original
9
They say multitasking makes you (over there!) less able to (I should bake cupcakes!) focus on one (seven babies? for the love of) task.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
2 days, 18 hours agoView original
18
@phyllisstein If the camera's going to add all those pounds no matter what, you might as well eat the pancakes anyway.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
2 days, 19 hours agoView original
1
I'm celebrating my first day back at work in two weeks with a fabulous little tantrum.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
2 days, 19 hours agoView original
11
It's January third and I'm STILL going to the gym.
This is some sort of record.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
3 days, 20 hours agoView original
7
If your home is a reflection of your life, my life is a disaster. Someone call FEMA. Oh wait. Never mind.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
4 days, 4 hours agoView original
4
I hate Christmas commercials after Christmas almost as much as I hate campaign signs after an election. Which is to say; a lot.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
4 days, 21 hours agoView original
1
I just bought next year's holiday cards for $3/12. Here's hoping I'll actually be able to find them again 12 months from now.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
4 days, 22 hours agoView original
2
If you've already tweeted it, do you say it's been twat?
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
5 days, 5 hours agoView original
11
Kicked the cat off the bed last night.
Dreamed all night of terrifying inescapable apocalypse.
I think the cat has mastered psychic control.
alinasmith (alina) from Chicago, IL
5 days, 7 hours agoView original
7