This anxiety attack waited for me to get into bed. You don’t see that kind of consideration from most jaw-clenched night sweats these days.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
10 hours, 37 minutes agoView original
10
Loads of laundry done: Zero.
Episodes of How I Met Your Mother watched: Nine.
Last day of vacation: Awesome.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
11 hours, 7 minutes agoView original
4
iWork ’09, let’s make out.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
17 hours, 32 minutes agoView original
1
The Facebook iPhone app is a catastrophe of disappointment. iphone.facebook.com wipes the floor with it.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
1 day, 12 hours agoView original
1
My new haircut is so douchey I just gave @jdickerson a noogie.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
1 day, 19 hours agoView original
4
I gotta cut back on the sugar. My comedowns tend to involve a body count.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
1 day, 21 hours agoView original
7
Meanwhile, @printartist has been dropped off at Sephora -- or, as I like to call it, the Ikea ball pit for girlfriends.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
1 day, 23 hours agoView original
21
Just got my hair cut by a woman who probably gets kickbacks from the hat store down the mall.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
1 day, 23 hours agoView original
30
Highlight of beer-and-bad-movie night with old friends: @ivicaf's COCKSUCKERFACE t-shirt.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
2 days, 13 hours agoView original
1
I’m just going to jailbreak it and edit the com.apple.springboard.plist file.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
1
This semester’s easy A+ will be brought to me by ‘Basic HTML for Writers.’
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
3 days, 1 hour agoView original
4
UPDATES
Sister = still married.
Me = still drunk.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
3 days, 11 hours agoView original
8
So... I made friends with the DJ. And we talked about whiskey. And I made a request.
And I just rickrolled my sister's wedding.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
3 days, 14 hours agoView original
54
Fuck you, Randy Travis. Fuck you forever and ever, amen.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
3 days, 15 hours agoView original
10
"Don't catch that garter," Dad says to me. "It's the kiss of death."
"Hey!" says Mum.
"Did I say death? I meant destiny. Kiss of destiny."
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
3 days, 20 hours agoView original
22
Practising my Jed Bartlet over-the-head suit-jacket trick.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
6
Do you ever add things you’ve already done to your to-do list, just so it looks like you have more things checked off?
Yeah, me neither.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
4 days, 1 hour agoView original
18
New rule: Everytime you say someone “wins the internet,” you lose a finger.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
4 days, 1 hour agoView original
9
Catholic hipsters: More insufferably affected than regular hipsters.
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
4 days, 3 hours agoView original
5
Sometimes I can't make a tweet as funny as it was in my head so I just kind of let it
cleversimon (Simon Crowley) from Edmonton, Alberta
4 days, 11 hours agoView original
2