Oh, @scottsimpson. You had me with "A guy walks into a bar..."
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from PacNW, USA
I snuck my recycled cup sleeves into the stack of new ones at the coffee shop and no one noticed. LOOK OUT, WORLD--I'M AN ECO-WARRIOR!!
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from PacNW, USA
14 hours, 12 minutes agoView original
Did you ever want to use "hippocampus" in a sentence so much that you tried contorting your original thought to make it fit? No? Just me?
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from PacNW, USA
18 hours, 58 minutes agoView original
The worst part about having to be your own mom is it's hard to rub your own head while you fall asleep.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from PacNW, USA
1 day, 6 hours agoView original
Foie gras profiteroles with a side of paddles, please.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from PacNW, USA
2 days, 7 hours agoView original
My "whistle a happy tune" is "repeat Christopher Guest lines to yourself." "'Ell 'o. 'Ow are 'ou?" or "I hate you and your ass face!"
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
2 days, 17 hours agoView original
Trying to figure out whether I'm a better contender for The Dog Whisperer or What Not to Wear. This is why I don't have a television.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
3 days, 7 hours agoView original
Ah, crema. The thinking man's whipped cream.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
3 days, 12 hours agoView original
This is really sad. I feel like the last kid waiting to be picked up at school, only in reverse.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
4 days, 9 hours agoView original
At the SeaTac cell phone parking lot, aka "party central."
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
4 days, 9 hours agoView original
I miss my dog so much, I just caught myself making the QUACK QUACK QUACK noise of his favorite toy. And I don't care who knows it.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
4 days, 11 hours agoView original
I eat a couple of pieces of bread and the next day, my eyes barely open. How am I going to live on hobo stew and chips come the apocalypse?
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
4 days, 13 hours agoView original
As an addendum to the law "Those Who Wear 'Chick Magnet' T-Shirts Aren't," I submit: "And They Can Only Be Worn Ironically by Lesbians."
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
5 days, 14 hours agoView original
I just saw a former swain in a Viagra commercial. #sayitaintsoho
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
6 days, 5 hours agoView original
Winner of this debate: FAVRD.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
6 days, 8 hours agoView original
Obama has to win. Otherwise I'm gonna have to run for Senate just to get this stupid Crohn's covered.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
6 days, 9 hours agoView original
Few things are more cheering in a strange town than a bus actually showing up when it says it will.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
I love people with a profound awareness of the earth and zero awareness that they banged into me with their hemp backpack three times.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
I don't want to look a connectivity horse in the mouth but if this Windoze flaptop sucked any harder, it'd be an off-brand Dustbuster.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
1 week, 2 days agoView original
It's kind of scary how little it takes to make me happy. As in "dinner", "watching my stories", "you might be a redneck if..." little.
communicatrix (Colleen Wainwright) from Los Angeles, CA, USA
1 week, 3 days agoView original
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