@seanhussey I have dreams where I'm the cross beam in a @thedayhascome / @badbanana Eiffel Tower.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
5
Ahh, nostalgia. Let's take a look back at the early days of @detweiler. Here's me in 2006 ruining a wedding: http://tr.im/weddingcrasher
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
5 hours, 57 minutes agoView original
1
I'm late for my job. Notice how I didn't say 'work', because that implies something entirely different.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
6 hours, 52 minutes agoView original
22
@BigBraveBeagle You know the last time I gave you jerky, you vomited on Nicki's carpet. ...So, here ya go!
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
23 hours, 19 minutes agoView original
1
I just found some beef jerkey in my pocket. I love it when that happens!
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
1 day, 1 hour agoView original
9
Just threw a Ziplock bag of meat in the trash with the hopes that in addition to locking in freshness, it also locks in rotting-meat smell.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
1 day, 20 hours agoView original
18
@vmarinelli It would have to be something like, "I just went to church and I haven't drank in weeks! My life is wonderful! I love you all!"
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
2 days, 2 hours agoView original
4
Ok guys, now's the time to SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. You can blame it on the phishers.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
2 days, 3 hours agoView original
11
This being the Mother of All Mondays, I'm betting Twitter will collectively be at its grumpiest today. COFFEE!!!
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
2 days, 7 hours agoView original
2
Actually, that bag of spilled Sun Chips really brings out the other trash in my car to give it an authentic post-modern look.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
3 days, 1 hour agoView original
11
I get some joy out of the fact that spammers have to work weekends.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
3 days, 2 hours agoView original
11
@crispycracka I dunno, but if you unfollow me, I will cry and cut myself.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
2
Out with @tehawesome, @alegna24, and @DolciSogni. We just saw a pyromaniac belly dancer. You guys are missing out.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
3 days, 18 hours agoView original
1
Apparently, the rack of chairs downstairs are not an exhibit. The ones upstairs are. I might not be "sophisticated" enough for this museum.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
3 days, 23 hours agoView original
16
For me, art museums are a lot like Facebook photos. Unless there's at least partial nudity or I'm tagged in them, I'm really not interested.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
3 days, 23 hours agoView original
18
I could kill a canary with the B.O. I got going on. Time to shower!
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
4 days, 4 hours agoView original
3
I just hurled on the Red Line. Goddamn, I'm sexy.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
5 days, 10 hours agoView original
5
Hanging out with @phyllisstein, @tehawesome, and @CcSteff. You can fellate me later.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
5 days, 19 hours agoView original
4
Resolutions: 1.) Ask before touching. 2.) Clothing required at weddings. 3.) Alcohol is not a food group. 4.) Alcohol is not breakfast.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
5 days, 21 hours agoView original
17
@lindstifa I now know what it feels like to be looked at as a piece of meat. HOT. Uh... No homo.
detweiler (Detweiler, Brian) from Omaha, NE
5 days, 21 hours agoView original
2