I wish I had a hippo. I could keep it in the bath. I'd feed it leftovers and ride it to work. I'd name it "skinny". Or "sassypants".
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
11 hours, 35 minutes agoView original
1
There are women I've never seen, but would shag purely because of their voice. Is that wrong?
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1 day, 7 hours agoView original
1
bollocks crap shit arse twat cock fuck balls twunt pissflaps thundercunt, i can't view the triggers on this table :-/
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1 day, 9 hours agoView original
1
Today's list: launch new Intranet and CoP, do Intranet updates, CV processor, hide evidence, get girl, kill baddies, save planet.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1 day, 14 hours agoView original
1
Orange background, blue headers, large text. Welcome to the Fisher Price Intranet.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 days, 13 hours agoView original
2
Couldn't sleep last night, at all. Now I'm at work and finding it hard to stay awake. Also I decided it would be Mila. She's way hotter.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 days, 14 hours agoView original
1
Christmas fact: If you're an Aunt or Uncle, it's against the law to stay sober on Christmas day.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1
Christmas fact: Santa's elves are an endangered species. The problem is, they're all gay so they don't mate. They're all test tube babies.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
1
Just sneezed 9 times in a row. It wasn't as good as they'd lead you to believe.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
1
Christmas fact: Santa's name was taken from the Hans Christian Antersen's story, "Santa claws the faces of the non-believers".
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
1
No, @triviabot.. "I am" may be the shortest sentence in the English language, but "I do" is the longest sentence.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
1
@Kalli Awesome fact: College boys keep socks in their "give a fuck" drawer. Unless they have a girlfriend. Then they keep it under the bed.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
1
'twas 3 nights before Christmas, and every twunt in Europe decided to visit the Launceston branch of Tesco.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
1
Dear Santa, I would like some fertiliser, loads of custard powder, petrol, orange juice, polystyrene and a remote detonator. Love, Foss.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
2
I have a cold. Being male, this means I might die today.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 2 days agoView original
2
GOODNIGHT TWITTER. NO APOLOGIES FOR THE CAPS. THIS IS HOW THE FUCK I ROLL SOMETIMES.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 4 days agoView original
5
Twitter: It's like the world is pretending to listen, while secretly making the wanker sign behind my back. AWESOME!
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 4 days agoView original
1
You twitterers are a funny bunch of fuckers, I'll give you that.
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 5 days agoView original
1
Dearest Ms Perry, your delicate punk-pop melodies and complicated lyrical musings are a testament to the blossoming flower of SHUTTHEFUCKUP
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 5 days agoView original
1
I don't remember eating carrots
eatfoss (Foss) from Launceston, Cornwall, UK
2 weeks, 6 days agoView original
2