Brand-new camouflage pants just bled all over the laundry and now I can't find my washing machine.
ed_x (josh kimball) from In a prison of my own making.
1 hour, 29 minutes agoView original
1
Maybe it's the debilitating overdose of Kefir talking, but right now I can't get over the linguistic interplay of "colon" & "colonization."
ed_x (josh kimball) from In a prison of my own making.
1 day, 7 hours agoView original
1
1st line: "With one deft stroke he turned herpes into heroes."
Main character: Either a copyeditor or a monarchy-toppling cocksman-cum-spy.
ed_x (josh kimball) from In a prison of my own making.
1 day, 11 hours agoView original
1
Final season of The Wire: I can stomach the torture, dirty cops, and grotesque murders. But an Executive Editor who's a fatuous blowhard?
ed_x (josh kimball) from In a prison of my own making.
1 day, 21 hours agoView original
1
Tonight marks the opener of Lasagna Season, which will this year be played in a specially made uniform with extra elastic in the waistband.
ed_x (josh kimball) from In a prison of my own making.
1 day, 23 hours agoView original
3
Many co-workers out; I'm keeping things normal by sending myself 100s of emails & having my kid call every 15 mins to ask how to go potty.
ed_x (josh kimball) from In a prison of my own making.
2 days, 10 hours agoView original
2
I've eaten so much fried food this weekend, the fat in my ass could power a biodiesel pickup truck from here to Toledo and back again.
ed_x (josh kimball) from In a prison of my own making.
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
3
I need a break from being indomitable.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
5 days, 5 hours agoView original
2
Waiting at the bus stop w/ 8 cans of beer in a brown paper bag. And a beard. And, probably, B.O. Unrelated: Can somebody bum me a transfer?
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1
Quality over quantity, I tell myself. Over and over and over again.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
6 days, 9 hours agoView original
1
Naked: a delicious blend of 5 juices, containing the equivalent of 2 apples, 3 pears and 4 blackberries. Bent over: Paying $3.50 for said.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
2
Your similes smell like laziness.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1
It's 2008 & the bag my shrimp, asparagus & penne meal-in-a-bag comes in isn't even edible? And still has to be opened? Can I get a fuck you?
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1
is in a 4G negative dive with a MIG 28.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
All the swimmers are fully clothed and all the runners are wearing bikinis.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1 week, 3 days agoView original
3
If I told you you had a gallon of aloe vera, would you hold it against me?
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1 week, 4 days agoView original
1
Good twitters are like pubic hair: they can be found anywhere. And they're short.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1 week, 5 days agoView original
1
I am currently sitting on a giant blue exercise ball. It was a much different color when we got it, but has changed hue due to disuse.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1 week, 5 days agoView original
1
When I drink High Life I feel like a low-life. Surly makes me happy. Lite means tubby. Bell's? I get quiet. And Busch? You don't wanna know.
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1 week, 6 days agoView original
1
My brian often goes on repeat. Also: letters get cross-crissed. And sometimes my brian just abruptly
ed_x (josh kimball) from Minneapolis
1 week, 6 days agoView original
1