Rob Zombie makes me white girl car seat dance, which makes Mr. Zoom wish he had darker tinted windows and a divorce.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
11 hours, 42 minutes agoView original
7
Considered starting a petition to force JJ Abrams to finish one t.v. show before starting another one, then I remembered Cloverfield movie.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
1 day, 12 hours agoView original
5
Twitter's gone all Whack-A-Mole on me. I try to make with the star and the page jumps all around like @twoname dodging a paternity test.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
1 day, 18 hours agoView original
15
At our house, "You're so deaf in the nose." is the new "I love you."
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
1 day, 18 hours agoView original
1
On a scale of one to ten, today went exactly the opposite of as planned.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
2 days, 11 hours agoView original
3
Sox = socks. Know what's recession proof? Mittens, lunacy and my inability to spell. Take that, world economy!
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
2 days, 16 hours agoView original
6
Here's a thing. Turns out those little bootie sox, you know, for wearing with running shoes? Not fool proof. Related: How'd I DO that?
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
2 days, 16 hours agoView original
3
Cereal instead of cookies? Wise choice, unless that's how you find out about a new allergy. I still want cookies and now I've got hives.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
2 days, 17 hours agoView original
2
When you favr someone who is banned from favrd, is that the sound of one hand clapping?
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
3 days, 14 hours agoView original
5
Even with my glasses, boss is blurry. Turns out he's growing skin colored facial hair. I need to know, can crossbows be ordered from Amazon?
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
3 days, 16 hours agoView original
7
"You kill it and I'll google it." Related: Why can't the fires drive cute bunnies and deer into our house instead of Lovecraftian insects?
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
3 days, 19 hours agoView original
10
I was hoping to cut down on my girly routines. It's hard to paint your toes without messing up the jammies you've been in for 48 hours.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
4 days, 9 hours agoView original
5
I took the syrup out of the fridge and showed it to Mr. Zoom. That is how I make pancakes.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
4 days, 19 hours agoView original
16
@pasher It's a Captain's and coke. Cries of "Tha'ts a stripper drink!" were heard all around. Support for the claim arrived later.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
4 days, 20 hours agoView original
1
So *that's* why they call it a stripper drink.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
5 days, 10 hours agoView original
6
Rearranged the furniture in our house armed with bath towels, a straw and a note pad. Reintroduced: one baby lizzard back into the wild.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
5 days, 13 hours agoView original
3
The salon manager says that they don't have anything to control clumsy, but the expensive bottle I knocked over will help with my curls.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
5 days, 15 hours agoView original
4
Is there anything more devastatingly girly than knocking over a dislay of expensive hair products with my giant purse?
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
5 days, 15 hours agoView original
5
Went out for drinks last night. Woke up this morning and the entire State is on fire. Mr. Zoom's gas is officially everyone's problem.
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
5 days, 16 hours agoView original
3
He said "You seem to notice more interesting things when you're sober." I replied "Duh. Why do you think I was drunk during our wedding?"
ivegotzooms from Freeway Underpass
6 days, 16 hours agoView original
5