OH at meeting I'm covering: "Who woulda think a fire truck would start on fire, but it did."
jhuston from Chicago, IL
9 hours, 48 minutes agoView original
1
The ladyfriend is cooking up some arugula pasta tonight so we can be elitists, like the President-Elect. Then we're going bowling.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
2 days, 15 hours agoView original
2
Speaking of Genesis, I was thinking of starting a Phil Collins cover band, because I'm already starting to cover his hair loss.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
2 days, 17 hours agoView original
3
Exploring new job opportunities. Best idea: Lunch Buffet-ologist.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
3
My boss' boss' boss said to me yesterday: "Shut up. I'll crush you." And he's not joking. He's like 6'8". And, you know, my boss' boss' boss
jhuston from Chicago, IL
1
I'm glad the phrase "stick a fork in it" is just a euphemism, especially after sex.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
2
Writing a story earlier. Said the economy has "hit the skids." Then thought of Sebastian Bach. Then dirty underpants. deletedeletedelete
jhuston from Chicago, IL
1
I'm going to rename my prostate "the economy," because it needs a little stimulating...
jhuston from Chicago, IL
3
Oh Twitter, what have I done with you? Eleven days since last post? You're like my little retarded child now. Go fetch daddy his slippers.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
3 weeks, 2 days agoView original
2
Why did Obama and McCain keep talking about giving the country a Nude Erection last night? Seems sort of undignified, don't you think?
jhuston from Chicago, IL
1
saw Tony Clifton last night. Best part was when he repeatedly flicked lit cigarettes into the section that paid $5 to be VIPs.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
1
That thing in your hand, old man, is called a mic. You hold it up to your mouth and talk into it so people far away can hear you.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
2
I interviewed a guy earlier whose breath smelled like bologna. Now EVERYTHING smells like bologna. I think he broke my olfactory.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
2
I can't tell if my co-worker has two tongues or just always talks with half a muffin in his mouth.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
1
I'm so tempted to start up a FakeFakeSarahPalin Twitter account that's like super-fucking-smart.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
4
I love that Thursday has become "Must See TV" again, only for smart people.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
7
I keep trying to convince my newspaper to market our classifieds section as "analog Craigslist." Apparently, they think *I'm* stupid.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
1
Are sub-intelligent people born between July 23 and August 22 called Leotards?
jhuston from Chicago, IL
4
My new apartment is three blocks outside of my favorite pizza place's delivery zone. That fact is fully within my sadness zone.
jhuston from Chicago, IL
9
How bad do you need a quarter? http://twitpic.com/dp49
jhuston from Chicago, IL
1