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Kit Kittridge can't truly be considered an American girl until she's had a modicum of plastic surgery or an addiction to her mom's Percocet.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

7 hours, 6 minutes agoView original

giromideseanhusseyrongillmore 3

Hijinx will ensue on the International Space Station when someone sneaks a bit of Yellow Die #5 into the Depissificator 3000.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

15 hours, 43 minutes agoView original

CcSteffdetweilerFanEffingTasticjoeydironbaileyInsoOutso 6

Waiting for science to admit that time machines exist, as the inhabitants of every El Camino I've seen look like they're from 1978.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

19 hours, 37 minutes agoView original

CcSteffgiromidejackholtkellydealrafitorresrongillmore 6

ABC's foray into Japanese TV w/ "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" should end before "Two Guys, a Tubgirl, and a Sushi Place" sounds viable.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

1 day, 4 hours agoView original

detweiler 1

Little known fact: Veni Vidi Vici was actually the names of the early Roman 3 Stooges. Known later to many as Veni Vidi & Shempus Maximus.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

1 day, 7 hours agoView original

Wallacehgretchasketchgiromidepasher 4

Fools! The pirates are demanding $10 million when they really need a decent closer or stronger mid lineup hitting. Who's running that ship?

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

1 day, 15 hours agoView original

giromidebcomptonCcStefffrageelayseanhusseybadkitty_ 6

Hoping to join Project Bailout, the Big 3 Automakers were last seen huddled in a small room chanting "His name is Henry Paulson".

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

1 day, 19 hours agoView original

Kalligiromide 2

A wise move by Kirk Cameron would be to captivate tweens in High School Musical-esque fashion by filming Rapture 2: Apocalyptic Boogaloo.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

2 days, 6 hours agoView original

seanhussey 1

I admire the pirates vigor, but I fail to see how hijacking 7 ships in the off-season will help them contend for a title next year.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

2 days, 14 hours agoView original

InsoOutsohonksterritsbynnereelabigvictorysecretsquirrelCcSteff 6

Expired: Threatening kids w/ a trip to the wood shed
Tired: Threatening to sell them on eBay
Wired: Threatening to drop them off in Nebraska

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

3 days, 6 hours agoView original

jamietieAuntMarvelseanhusseygiromideriebschlagerdetweilercrispycrackaronbaileyjackholtTheRobotDevilInsoOutsobadkitty_youhasKuraFire 14

Wow, I can order Domino's from my Tivo?!?

The only way this could be more worthless is if they also let me order GOLDTOE® socks & regret.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

3 days, 8 hours agoView original

detweilerjamietiegiromideAuntMarvel 4

Personally, I think the founders of Nantucket and the creator of limericks were in cahoots.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

3 days, 16 hours agoView original

detweilerbadkitty_kellydealjackholtgiromide 5

Nickelback's societal role is vital as they provide strippers more than the usual Kid Rock or Buckcherry songs in which to ply their trade.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

5 days, 8 hours agoView original

detweilerkellydealMarilynMtrelvixdanjlc 5

Many years from now, the National Archive will release a document that reveals Pres. Bush's actual exit plan for Iraq was "What, me worry?"

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

5 days, 10 hours agoView original

maritzavjackholtAuntMarveltrelvix 4

Spartans sent their young into the wilderness. I put my youngest on the floor w/ Cheetos to fend against a Jack Russel w/ a napoleon complex

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

5 days, 16 hours agoView original

CcSteffmudcelttrelvix 3

More cowbell, indeed.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

6 days, 7 hours agoView original

brettp 1

Unbelievable!. Sun to slash 6000 jobs? This economic downturn must be bad if celestial bodies are being impacted.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

6 days, 14 hours agoView original

abigvictoryseanhusseyjackholtInsoOutsowink 5

Every time he hears the words "President-Elect Obama", Dick Cheney kills a clown.

Related: President-Elect Obama, President-Elect Obama ...

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

6 days, 19 hours agoView original

AuntMarveldetweilermudcelt 3

Nebraska legislators should amend the safe haven law so that anyone who drops off a kid older than 72hrs gets a pack of fives to the larnyx.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

1 week agoView original

AuntMarvel 1

No question that a deathmatch between Hemingway & Chuck Norris would have resulted in the former drinking mojitos out of the latter's skull.

joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne

1 week agoView original

detweilerlindstifa 2

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