Kit Kittridge can't truly be considered an American girl until she's had a modicum of plastic surgery or an addiction to her mom's Percocet.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
7 hours, 6 minutes agoView original
3
Hijinx will ensue on the International Space Station when someone sneaks a bit of Yellow Die #5 into the Depissificator 3000.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
15 hours, 43 minutes agoView original
6
Waiting for science to admit that time machines exist, as the inhabitants of every El Camino I've seen look like they're from 1978.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
19 hours, 37 minutes agoView original
6
ABC's foray into Japanese TV w/ "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" should end before "Two Guys, a Tubgirl, and a Sushi Place" sounds viable.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
1 day, 4 hours agoView original
1
Little known fact: Veni Vidi Vici was actually the names of the early Roman 3 Stooges. Known later to many as Veni Vidi & Shempus Maximus.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
1 day, 7 hours agoView original
4
Fools! The pirates are demanding $10 million when they really need a decent closer or stronger mid lineup hitting. Who's running that ship?
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
1 day, 15 hours agoView original
6
Hoping to join Project Bailout, the Big 3 Automakers were last seen huddled in a small room chanting "His name is Henry Paulson".
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
1 day, 19 hours agoView original
2
A wise move by Kirk Cameron would be to captivate tweens in High School Musical-esque fashion by filming Rapture 2: Apocalyptic Boogaloo.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
2 days, 6 hours agoView original
1
I admire the pirates vigor, but I fail to see how hijacking 7 ships in the off-season will help them contend for a title next year.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
2 days, 14 hours agoView original
6
Expired: Threatening kids w/ a trip to the wood shed
Tired: Threatening to sell them on eBay
Wired: Threatening to drop them off in Nebraska
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
3 days, 6 hours agoView original
14
Wow, I can order Domino's from my Tivo?!?
The only way this could be more worthless is if they also let me order GOLDTOE® socks & regret.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
3 days, 8 hours agoView original
4
Personally, I think the founders of Nantucket and the creator of limericks were in cahoots.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
3 days, 16 hours agoView original
5
Nickelback's societal role is vital as they provide strippers more than the usual Kid Rock or Buckcherry songs in which to ply their trade.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
5 days, 8 hours agoView original
5
Many years from now, the National Archive will release a document that reveals Pres. Bush's actual exit plan for Iraq was "What, me worry?"
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
5 days, 10 hours agoView original
4
Spartans sent their young into the wilderness. I put my youngest on the floor w/ Cheetos to fend against a Jack Russel w/ a napoleon complex
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
5 days, 16 hours agoView original
3
More cowbell, indeed.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
6 days, 7 hours agoView original
1
Unbelievable!. Sun to slash 6000 jobs? This economic downturn must be bad if celestial bodies are being impacted.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
6 days, 14 hours agoView original
5
Every time he hears the words "President-Elect Obama", Dick Cheney kills a clown.
Related: President-Elect Obama, President-Elect Obama ...
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
6 days, 19 hours agoView original
3
Nebraska legislators should amend the safe haven law so that anyone who drops off a kid older than 72hrs gets a pack of fives to the larnyx.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
1
No question that a deathmatch between Hemingway & Chuck Norris would have resulted in the former drinking mojitos out of the latter's skull.
joeschmidt (joe schmidt) from omaha, ne
2