Using Quicksilver kind of makes me feel like I'm cheating. Like sleeping with a girl before introducing yourself or getting her drunk.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
2 days, 9 hours agoView original
10
Business plan: two of man's greatest creations in one place. Joint comedy club and whorehouse. But should I call it BROFL or BORDELLOL?
nostrich from Brighton, UK
2 days, 21 hours agoView original
56
"I think I'm allergic to you," "What?" "My penis swells up whenever I'm around you." Ill-advised pick up line #851
nostrich from Brighton, UK
3 days, 10 hours agoView original
46
There is little in the world more pathetic than a man with a new ringtone waiting desperately for someone call him. Someone? Please?
nostrich from Brighton, UK
3 days, 20 hours agoView original
20
People that still think rickrolling is funny remind me of people that still think pulling out is an effective way to avoid pregnancy.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
4 days, 17 hours agoView original
20
Dear unbearably pretend indie guy a few flats down: girls will like you more if you wash more, shave, and stop listening to The Strokes.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
5 days, 11 hours agoView original
7
You are cordially invited to not think we are best friends because I said I like your shirt. Venue: go fuck yourself. Time: go fuck yourself
nostrich from Brighton, UK
5 days, 14 hours agoView original
15
Sometimes when I run out of rolling paper, I use thesaurus pages. No perceptible corollaries that I can discern.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
5 days, 22 hours agoView original
16
[Mundane everyday occurrence]. [Unexpected twist that relies on gentle wordplay]!
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 2 days agoView original
43
Every time you download an EP thinking it's a full album, the RIAA laughs at you and calls you a cunt. And then files a lawsuit.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 3 days agoView original
9
I get really uncomfortable when people ask embarrassing questions about sex. Like: "Is that it?"
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 4 days agoView original
30
Woohoo, NaNoWriMo guys! brb adding "writer" to my bio on my Livejournal blog.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 5 days agoView original
10
The flat is divided tonight between those who don't mind me molesting them when drunk (me) and those who do (everyone else).
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 6 days agoView original
12
Hi, I'm that guy who drinks too much. You might remember me from such incidents as groping your breasts, or telling you I love you!
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 6 days agoView original
25
@zuhl has been named as a person of interest in the (ongoing) investigation of where did all my gold stars go?
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 6 days agoView original
4
Fun optical illusion: when it looks like I'm listening to your rants on consumerism, I'm actually wondering if I can just kill you.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 6 days agoView original
17
Oh hi, creepy guy that came to fix my fridge. My fridge is fine right now, but feel free to molest some of my female housemates instead.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
1 week, 6 days agoView original
11
Got invited to a party by a gynaecologist, who promised it would be a good knees-up.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
5
Irish people all over America are ecstatic about the new President-Elect, Barack O'bama.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
19
Guys, it's only Guy Fawkes Day. Stop making such a big deal out of it.
nostrich from Brighton, UK
2 weeks, 1 day agoView original
11