I didn't tweet yesterday because I was, uh, dead. But I'm fine now. Can't believe it takes some people _three whole days_ to bounce back.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 day, 10 hours agoView original
11
Confession: I have an obsession with one person, am currently peeking in her window, and won't tell you who it is. Okay, fine, It's @ccsteff
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 day, 10 hours agoView original
3
_Hypothetical_ question: Suppose you did the splits without stretching beforehand. How can you tell *for sure* if your vagina is broken?
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
2 days, 21 hours agoView original
31
Yeah, Zach Braff, we get it. It's hard and unfair growing up when you're a 30 year old manchild. Wah. Wah.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
3 days, 2 hours agoView original
10
I just tried to watch a re-run of The Hills, but my heart caved in and my eyes shriveled into raisins. So I need a backup plan.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
3 days, 22 hours agoView original
4
It really chaps my ass waiting for free, high-quality content that other people put a lot of work into. Get the lead out, @ylnt.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
4 days, 6 hours agoView original
7
When I die, I would like to be stuffed and propped up by the front door. All the good conversation happens there, and I like being included.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
4 days, 10 hours agoView original
6
What makes me an American? I can differentiate between Snap, Crackle, and Pop. _That's_ what makes me an American.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
4 days, 23 hours agoView original
12
Got called back for a second interview. Which is either a good thing, or they want to *watch* me cry at their full-frontal rejection.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
5 days, 3 hours agoView original
14
You say potato, I say vodka. Let's drink the whole thing down.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
5 days, 23 hours agoView original
17
Why on earth didn't I think of drinking vodka while in the bathtub before? I have been wasting so much time.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
6 days, 5 hours agoView original
25
@vmarinelli Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Who taught you the ancient and sacred language of swine latin? Did you go to school for it too?!
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
6 days, 9 hours agoView original
2
Of course, when I saw "my powers" I am referring to an inflated sense of self-worth and a terminal case of being a wiseacre.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
6 days, 21 hours agoView original
4
Sometimes, when I feel sad, I just stop feeding the cats until one or both of them pretends to like me for awhile.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
29
First ever real job interview tomorrow. I can't wait to throw my tam o' shanter into the air and smile as I'm freeze framed.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 week, 1 day agoView original
15
At Cat School, my cats got really high marks in "Permanently erasing all your owner's data with three steps or less on the keyboard 101"
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 week, 2 days agoView original
9
Follow @shoesonwrong, she's awesome. Wait. Crap. I should have logged in as @seoulbrother or @hotdogsladies before I said that. Never mind.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 week, 2 days agoView original
10
I just got a random gift of enormous, ugly candlesticks. Great, now I can kill Colonel Mustard in the conservatory.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 week, 3 days agoView original
31
I'm not giving you the stink eye -- my face just looks like this in the mornings.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 week, 3 days agoView original
6
Knobby knees, fanny pack, and quoting Monty Python's Holy Grail. The brother-in-law has hit awkward teenage geek like a brick wall.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
1 week, 3 days agoView original
7