@hotheadred "I was playing Wii and my strap on got loose and broke the TV. Good thing I held onto the Wiimote."
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
4 hours, 53 minutes agoView original
3
@kariedwards Douché.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
5 hours, 28 minutes agoView original
4
@NickiHiss "Awww. She's got her father's nose and her mother's thirst for vengeance."
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
5 hours, 38 minutes agoView original
4
http://twitpic.com/10uz0 - You can put a douche in a Lexus, but you know, he's still a douche. (Further proof can be found in the location.)
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
5 hours, 43 minutes agoView original
2
Jus buyin a replacement UPS bat'ry, stimalatin mah econamy.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
6 hours, 57 minutes agoView original
1
@kariedwards I always put my hand over my mouth and do the echoed (WANTED!) part. Every. Single. Time. I have the bruises to prove it.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
7 hours, 4 minutes agoView original
1
Huh. Just found out that ingesting too many cloves causes hallucinations. Well, that explains the Great Ham Incident of 1984, doesn't it?
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
8 hours, 30 minutes agoView original
13
@CcSteff To pump up the awesomeness, whisper the word with a definite article like they did in the old days: "I HAVE (the rhinorrhea)."
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
10 hours, 19 minutes agoView original
3
Mother Nature is branching out (HA!) into exterior design, and has concluded that a thick layer of ice is in this season.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
6
@tj I used to shoo the mice I trapped under Wal*Mart's door in the middle of the night on the way to my 3rd shift job. Just an idea.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
23 hours, 43 minutes agoView original
1
@NickiHiss Only bacon or tiny owls can do that at this point, my dear.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
23 hours, 47 minutes agoView original
2
I picked the wrong week to give up using my heat vision.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
1 day, 3 hours agoView original
6
I like to listen to erotica audiobooks while I'm driving so my hands can be free for eating & tweeting.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
1 day, 5 hours agoView original
9
I would listen to 98° constantly, but the cock in my mouth would interfere with dicking around online.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
1 day, 6 hours agoView original
21
After tapping CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta for Surgeon Gen., experts predict Obama's choice for Chief Performance Officer will be Peter North.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
1 day, 8 hours agoView original
9
Oh my! The MN Senatorial election depends on absinthe ballots. No wonder there's so much confusion! Stop drunk counting! </emilylitella>
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
1 day, 9 hours agoView original
3
@Remiel Soon: super convenient space escalator. I'm definitely going to run down the up space escalator until space mall security stops me.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
1 day, 10 hours agoView original
5
You know what other Adolf committed suicide in Germany? http://tr.im/31ko
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
2 days, 4 hours agoView original
1
Some days this year at which Twitter will borque: Inauguration, Mardi Gras, Arbor Day, May Day, Summer Solstice, Nat. Hiccup Day, π Day.
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
2 days, 5 hours agoView original
7
Phil Schiller keeps saying "One more thing..." He's using up Steve's tagline to intro his own at the end: "Sha-fucking-ZAM! Check it!"
smartasshat (ʇɐɥs sɐ ʇɹɐɯs) from Boldly Going Nowhere
2 days, 8 hours agoView original
12