OK, everyone, SHUSH. If my wife finds out about twitter, it is all over. She'll ruin EVERYTHING.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 day, 22 hours agoView original
1
Garage Band includes a video of a hobo that will teach you how to play guitar... no, wait... that is Sting.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
2 days, 7 hours agoView original
1
OMG! Phil Schiller ATE STEVE JOBS.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
2 days, 7 hours agoView original
1
I'm still holding out for the 'one more thing' to be shooting John Mayer out of a canon. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE #Macworld
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
2 days, 8 hours agoView original
1
It is to the point where I need an alternate twitter account for all the tweets I type out, then delete.
I wonder if @rufie52 is taken?
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
5 days, 10 hours agoView original
2
I have yet to issue a tweet today that hasn't gone horribly, horribly wrong.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
6 days, 4 hours agoView original
1
Wife's 40th birthday party tomorrow night. I've arranged to relocate the kids and myself to a safehouse a mile away.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
6 days, 4 hours agoView original
2
It is so cold in my office that I've closed the door and started compressing some video just stay warm.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
6 days, 9 hours agoView original
1
This year I've resolved to lay off the single entendres... IF you know what I mean...
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
6 days, 10 hours agoView original
1
Halp. I'm stuck beneath a cat. Send tuna, stat.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
6 days, 22 hours agoView original
1
I had to wait for 30 mins behind four guys executing a hostile takeover of Nabisco thru the Cremaldi's cashier before I could get my muffin.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 1 day agoView original
2
You can't spell episiotomy without pemis.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 1 day agoView original
1
My daughter matter-of-factly informs my son that his penis looks like an elephant trunk.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
Today is my parents wedding anniversary. Every year, my mom gives my dad the same card. The Same. Exact. Card. He hasn't caught on yet.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
My wife's excuse for farting into my crotch while spooning last night: "I thought you were asleep." Romance is not dead.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 2 days agoView original
3
Kira has composed a steamy Valentine to Santa. "Dear Santa. I love. you. Love, Kira"
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 2 days agoView original
1
Attention citizens! Snow on the ground does not invalidate the practice of cleaning up after your dog. #poop
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 2 days agoView original
2
The smell of Lagavulin is like foreplay.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 4 days agoView original
1
One! One dedicated employee in the office! Ah ha ha ha. *THUNDER BOOMS*
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 5 days agoView original
1
My daughter is running around the house wearing a tutu and no underwear.
*sigh*
Makes me wistful for my college years.
stretta from Cambridge, MA USA
1 week, 6 days agoView original
2