Twitter has cured my commitment phobia! I can totally get married now that my new followers told me how easy online/overseas divorce can be.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
2 hours, 17 minutes agoView original
9
It's too bad that so many of us, unlike Pink, don't have our rock moves to get us through the hard times.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
21 hours, 34 minutes agoView original
6
Just sustained a popcorn-related injury. To my ankle.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
22 hours, 21 minutes agoView original
4
Watching the debate sketch on SNL. Can't remember the last time I thought, "Ooh, Saturday Night Live is on!"
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
1 day, 15 hours agoView original
1
Went out for lunch with my mom. She tried to dine and dash. Not sure whether retirement is making her senile or badass.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
1 day, 17 hours agoView original
17
Bought a cookie to share with my one year-old nephew. He gave me the stinkeye every time I took a bite.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
1 day, 21 hours agoView original
8
Guy at the dancehall shows me a photo of his daughters, tells me he wants a son, stares at me. NEXT!
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
2 days, 1 hour agoView original
7
The guy hitting on me turns out to be 19. Time to go home.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
2 days, 12 hours agoView original
5
Glade, by calling your product Angel Whispers, you have ensured that I will never, ever buy one.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
2 days, 20 hours agoView original
3
Going out tonight. To a dance hall. To watch live bull-riding. OMG WHY DID I MOVE TO TEXAS???
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
2 days, 23 hours agoView original
7
Obama missed an opportunity to get people to pledge $5 for each time Palin said maverick. That's thinking he could use on his staff. #hireme
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
3 days, 2 hours agoView original
8
@bcompton Thanks for reminding me that my inability to get a teaching job means no rent money AND no reward in heaven.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
3 days, 13 hours agoView original
4
Do all of you really do your worrying about money and health care at kitchen tables? I do mine in the fetal position on the bathroom floor.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
3 days, 15 hours agoView original
34
Gays! Sarah Palin will totally tolerate you!
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
3 days, 17 hours agoView original
6
Got stuck behind someone with a strict constructionist interpretation of the speed limit. I'm more of a liberal activist driver, myself.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
3 days, 23 hours agoView original
24
I'm afraid if I ever met Tim Gunn, I'd go all Lennie Small on him. I wouldn't *mean* to squeeze the life out of him, but he's just so cute.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
4 days, 16 hours agoView original
2
Not only did my teenage civics students know more Supreme Court cases than Sarah Palin, most of them were infinitely better at bullshitting.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
4 days, 18 hours agoView original
17
I'd ask how I could get Samantha Brown's job, but I seem to lack a key qualification: adorableness. I don't really do adorable.
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
5 days, 1 hour agoView original
2
Of course Sarah Palin knows that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. John McCain told her. He was there. (How many people beat me to that one?)
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
5 days, 13 hours agoView original
7
Boy I like who likes me explains that he has to take a different girl to the dance because she's popular and I'm not. #MY_3_MIN_FROM_JR_HIGH
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
5 days, 21 hours agoView original
5