Some phone trees will connect you to a person if you say the right words. Currently yelling "FUCK SHIT AGENT COCK ASSHOLE" into the phone.
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
1 hour, 3 minutes agoView original
11
Good morning everyone! I bring with me a fresh bounty of jokes about French Dadaists and 20th centur-...oh. Ok. Yeah, I can leave :(
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
9 hours, 42 minutes agoView original
10
If you think _Nude Descending a Staircase, No.2_ was ahead of its time, you should see DuChamp's _Nude Falling Down the Stairs LOL YouTube_.
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
9 hours, 45 minutes agoView original
26
@mayjah Originally the Wii Balance Board was supposed to make a deep, moaning sound when you stepped on it. Sometimes it'd call you naughty.
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
1 day, 2 hours agoView original
1
Just sealed a hole in my pocket with duct tape. #mansolution #true #butiwishicouldsew #waitthatsnotmanlyisit? #nevermind #forgetisaidthat
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
1 day, 4 hours agoView original
25
Somewhere, right now, someone is sharing a video by attaching a 6mb file to a mass email instead of sharing a goddamn YouTube link. #scary
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
1 day, 7 hours agoView original
12
If you don't like my awesome hamburger rapping mashup then you are a philistine who can't appreciate my high art: http://tr.im/burger_raps
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
1 day, 10 hours agoView original
1
Good morning! Here are two videos of people rapping about making hamburgers playing at the same time. http://tr.im/burger_raps
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
1 day, 10 hours agoView original
1
@vunner Professional networking is getting more casual. "Your LinkedIn profile is 90% complete. Please upload a photo of your genitals."
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
2 days, 1 hour agoView original
4
How likely is it that potential employers will google my name and find my Twitter page? Tell me on a scale of 1 to Still Unemployed.
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
2 days, 7 hours agoView original
36
@vmarinelli @bcompton A pee flap is also a love-makin' flap. So, sure, the flap is not only kinda embarrassing but also POTENTIALLY SEXY.
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
2 days, 7 hours agoView original
10
@maryiskickass The Feast of the Magi: A guy sells his mashed potatoes to buy cheese for his wife who sold her macaroni to buy gravy for him?
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
2 days, 9 hours agoView original
3
There's kind of a "fuck you, me first" vibe on the train around rush hour. Even moreso if you accidentally say that out loud as you get on.
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
46
Humor is weird. I had to pause for a while and think "Ok, what's the funniest flower?" Settled on the daffodil because it's a silly word.
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
8
My friend lives above a flower shop, so he could email his landlord and say:
"My toilet's clogged. Also I'd like a dozen daffodils please."
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
5
I remember way back when I was interning at a dying encyclopedia company, making little people out of water bottles… http://tr.im/2z9c
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
3 days, 3 hours agoView original
7
@InsoOutso Hey, @Mike_FTW's profile page features a naked Bea Arthur. Click here to see it! http://bit.ly/ZmgX #reverse_mikeroll
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
3 days, 7 hours agoView original
6
Breaking news: Phishing can sometimes lead to hilarity. http://twitter.com/foxnews/status/1097407570
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
3 days, 8 hours agoView original
11
Teen loses at video games, burns warehouse down. Remember: video games don't cause violence; sucking at them does. http://tr.im/2yg6
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
3 days, 9 hours agoView original
13
Her: "Those boxers don't have a button on them. Your junk could just pop out!"
Me: "That's not a bug, it's a feature."
tehawesome (Henry Birdseye) from Chicago
3 days, 22 hours agoView original
63