Oh - I see now. Twitter is running off of the dial-up Disaster-Recovery plan still. I didn't read the memo. My bad. See you all in 1992.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 hour, 12 minutes agoView original
6
Her: "You're not funny today. What's up?"
Me: "Do you own a Bedazzler?"
Her: "No."
Me: "Then shut your mouth. What do you know from funny?"
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 hour, 18 minutes agoView original
4
She's watching Oprah on Tivo. I'm trying to think of an equivalent act in my world but all I can come up with is watching turds float.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
2 hours, 42 minutes agoView original
14
Strangest thing said to me by a weeping woman today (so far):
"This is about the jumpsuit isn't it? Fucking ABBA!!"
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
4 hours, 26 minutes agoView original
10
Oh, I *know* you like it but you still ain't putting no ring on it.
Get your hands up here where I can see them.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
5 hours, 9 minutes agoView original
13
She said my Hentoff update was pedantic and condescending.
"Well look at you using grown-up words!" I replied. "Good job!"
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
5 hours, 42 minutes agoView original
4
@hodgman Be careful. Jesus had that same dream.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
6 hours, 6 minutes agoView original
1
@UncaScroogeMcD While you're tuning the twitter pressure device why not see if you can't get Ricky Gervais to jump into the nineties?
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
6 hours, 35 minutes agoView original
1
I've hired Nat Hentoff to install a shower in my basement.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
7 hours, 23 minutes agoView original
3
@hodgman Partying NPR style? I think that means you drink responsibly & well on your last day while Joe the Plumber takes all of our gigs.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
9 hours, 42 minutes agoView original
1
And with that, my pretend friends, I sign off until tomorrow. I'm about to prove that none of you want to be anywhere near me today.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
14 hours, 14 minutes agoView original
2
Today I am Megalo-Corporate Liberal-Media Blind-Side Man. One show only. All guests receive shitty severance packages & a wad of Kleenex.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
14 hours, 20 minutes agoView original
9
I saw a guy dressed as Superman in Grand Central. I thought I recognized him but he wouldn't put on his glasses so I couldn't be sure.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
21 hours, 59 minutes agoView original
14
I'm heckling my cats tonight. They're trying to be all cool about it but everyone here sees that I've put them off their game.
Amateurs.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
23 hours, 8 minutes agoView original
14
The old woman was bleeding from the head and so I offered her my seat. I seemed the right thing. Plus she was totally dripping on my shoes.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 day, 2 hours agoView original
7
@abigvictory Oh. Yeah. That's on my disallow list too. Pity. I like pudding.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 day, 4 hours agoView original
1
OK. Add "grease up and get in a pile" to the list of things I'm "actively discouraged" from saying in front of the rank and file.
Babies.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 day, 4 hours agoView original
12
I had that terrible Ann Coulter sex dream again. The colostomy bags seemed *so* real. I think I owe an apology to my dog and maybe to Satan.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 day, 5 hours agoView original
16
It stinks up in here - like how I imagine Paul Williams' trailer on the set of "Smokey & The Bandit" might have smelled. Little Enos indeed.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 day, 5 hours agoView original
6
@Glinner Where did all of these people come from? Did you offer to give away a unicorn or something? I could use a new one if so.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
1 day, 6 hours agoView original
1