Wife: "Sometimes I feel like all our familial interactions are just fodder for your blog or twitter." Me: "Don't be ridiculous."
(Jon Deal) from SLC, UT
46
Even if Michael Phelps were a dud in the sack, you could just flip him over, put him in water, use his dick as a rudder, and sail to Tahiti.
(Ainsley Drew) from Portland, Oregon
21
"I left the woods because I wanted a real bathroom and WiFi" - Henry David Thoreau
(Josh Donoghue) from Connecticut
18
Mad Men's commercial block is Just For Men hair dye, BMW, Jack Daniels and boner pills. So they're hitting their demo square in the jaw.
(Adam Lisagor) from iPhone: 34.082053,-118.274610
18
I've got belated responses to memes older than those Chinese gymnasts.
(Rod Knowlton) from Smack dab in the middle
16
FYI, your stepsister closes up shop when you refer to her lady parts as "fourthmeal."
(Joshua Green Allen) from Denver
16
I will read stories to my children every night until the odor in their teenage bedroom forces me to stop.
(Emily) from Louisville, Kentucky
14
People describe themselves as "street smart" when they are insecure about not being smart in any way.
(Stephanie) from Richmond, VA
14
"I wish I could write an email, fast, without sitting down. Dictate an email so I wouldn't have to actually interact. Like a voice... mail."
(Emily) from Louisville, Kentucky
13
The thing about only driving your car on the weekends is that you don't realize it was towed six days ago.
(Stephanie) from Richmond, VA
13
Damn NBC, I didn't know "McCain" was actually the Republican candidate's *middle* name! (Nor that "Aformerprisonerofwar" was his last name.)
vmarinelli (Victoria Marinelli) from Richmond, VA
12
I get the notes of sawdust and Band-Aid in this 10yo Laphroaig, but I'm missing what my GF claims is underpants. My palate is so unrefined.
(Adam Lisagor) from iPhone: 34.082053,-118.274610
12
This little kid on TV is so cute I just grew a pair of ovaries.
(Simon Crowley) from iPhone: 53.523660,-113.481216
12
No, I won't ever shop at JC Penney because fuck you, leave The Breakfast Club alone.
(Wil Wheaton) from Los Angeles
12
Ever send password reset emails to 5000 people who aren't yet members of your site that hasn't launched? Me, too. Happy Monday! #unemployed
(Sean Hussey) from Boston, Top o' the Pru
11
#istilldon'tgethashtags
vmarinelli (Victoria Marinelli) from Richmond, VA
11
Has anybody pondered the similarity between the names Ralph Nader and Darth Vader? No? Well, think about it.
from Falun, Sweden
11
Best way to find a successful lawyer is to flag down 5 bald guys on Harleys. That way you'll also have a nice selection to choose from.
(Merlin Mann) from racing to the bottom
11
I just attempted to make coffee without water. That's how I'm doing.
from Las américas
11
Totally misjudged @'s arrival. Barely had time to get out of my clothes and put on a robe.
from Tacoma
10