At least when Twitter runs an hour behind, nobody live-tweets their suicide attempt.
Balut from Left Coast
I NEED A BIGGER DICK.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
thursday ate my tuesday. the future was hungry.
eoporto (Elizabeth Oporto) from New York
I have no data to support this, but after listening to "Oh Sherrie", I believe that Steve Perry was the #1 cause of divorce in the eighties.
yowhatsthehaps (Sarah!) from Vancouver
I'm gonna start smoking just so I can kill everyone by using nothing but my hair.
Today I had sex with a complete stranger in an abandoned van down by the river. I can't decide whether to be proud or troubled. Proubled??
Fakeweiler (Fake Detweiler) from Pillaging your mom's panty dra
Playing a game at work was bad enough, but I had to explain how the Firefox tab had truncated the name to "Who Has the Biggest Bra..."
lefauxfrog (Mike) from Boston, MA, USA
He approached as the train rolled to a stop.
"Sir? Can I ask you a question?" he wondered.
"Apparently you can," I said, exiting the car.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
I just enrolled in a Pilates class. It doesn't start for another week, but I'm already practicing my holding in a fart technique.
Aimee_B_Loved (Aimee Brock) from Wichita, Kansas. Seriously.
1 hour, 4 minutes agoView original
Ironic Massage Parlors specialize in "Happy" Endings.
rstevens from a little bit 01027, a little b
1 hour, 6 minutes agoView original
If I do go into teaching, I'm going to utilize technology -140 char essays via twitter. There'll be no child left behind on my fuckin watch!
nonlinearmind (Jon C) from Washington DC Burbs
1 hour, 11 minutes agoView original
I'm sorry I said your breath smells like monkey diaper. Now you apologize for saying I use a "disturbing" amount of toilet paper.
fireland (Joshua Green Allen) from Denver
1 hour, 11 minutes agoView original
@SeoulBrother LOLJIZZ will be the next big thing, mark my words. … Um, n.b. when I say "mark" I mean "take note of" not, you know "mark"
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 hour, 12 minutes agoView original
Watching Cops is a constant reminder for me to never drive a beat-up car, hide drugs in any orifice, or talk to anyone called "Slim Jim."
kariedwards (Kari Edwards) from Chattanooga, Tennessee
1 hour, 15 minutes agoView original
Just had a conversation on the damping factors of real vs. fake boobs. Sometimes the geek cannot be contained, even with boob talk.
squibble (Stephen) from In Your Pants
1 hour, 16 minutes agoView original
I need Admin management access to my life. No more of this low-level Manager BS.
nonlinearmind (Jon C) from Washington DC Burbs
1 hour, 17 minutes agoView original
Just hung the 2009 Year Planner in the office. Crooked. Spending the rest of the day wonkifying the rest of the office to match.
munki (Sarah Wedde) from New Zealand
1 hour, 26 minutes agoView original
"Your little friend will turn from a small pumpkin to a big king!" That's so adorable I actually felt bad marking it spam.
Remiel (Remiel Classic™) from Manchester, VT
1 hour, 26 minutes agoView original
News from Macworld spotty. iPhoto 09: Why would I want to apply a facial to all my photos? That's weird. Like Japanese game show weird.
SeoulBrother from Tacoma
1 hour, 28 minutes agoView original
I'm sure this will shock the hell out of some of you, but not everyone on twitter uses a Mac. It's true. We use these things called PCs.
califmom from The Area of The Bay
1 hour, 30 minutes agoView original
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