Catsitting at my parents' house. They probably didn't think at 30 that I'd take the opportunity to raid the liquor cabinet. Suckers!
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
If you'll humor me and imagine that lover rhymes with Rover, I promise to share some of my dog poetry I wrote when I was drunk, and lonely.
FarkerPeaceboy from Left Edge of U.S.
1 hour, 1 minute agoView original
It's going to be real rough when those 600 bathrooms close. I mean, starbucks stores.
echuckles (Elizabeth Chuck) from nyc
1 hour, 43 minutes agoView original
"You don't leave Twitter. Twitter leaves *you*." - Ike Turner
(... and Daddy)
SeoulBrother from Tacoma
1 hour, 59 minutes agoView original
I don't like food-scented bubble baths. I feel like I'm being marinated. It's unsettling.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
2 hours, 6 minutes agoView original
If by "leave Twitter" you meant "become the laughingstock of Twitter," your endeavor has met with unparalleled success, sir!
strutting (Jay Hathaway) from Seattle, WA
2 hours, 20 minutes agoView original
Spent day w/ non-AJAX friend, her non-AJAX husband and their adorable non-AJAX daughter. Never even tempted to pull out the phone. Good day.
tj (TJ)
2 hours, 30 minutes agoView original
Sister just asked if Reagan is still the President. Once I corrected, she replied "But I thought Bush was _our_ dude." You think I'm joking.
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
2 hours, 57 minutes agoView original
My pathological need to impress others means my friends know far, far more than is necessary about why ketchup is an amorphous solid.
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
3 hours, 30 minutes agoView original
Attention parents! Sending your teenage daughter to comic-con with a "free hugs" sign is a very bad idea.
wilw (Wil Wheaton) from Los Angeles
3 hours, 31 minutes agoView original
Upon seeing my trip to the store brought chicken wings, mac and cheese, Capn' Crunch, and beer, @madmann said, "You're getting your period."
hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann)
3 hours, 39 minutes agoView original
Mom: "You were telling inappropriate stories?"
Kid: [too quiet]
Mom: "Well, isn't that what inappropriate means?"
Kid: "But it was FUNNY!"
fedge (Jeff Barszcz) from Seattle
3 hours, 43 minutes agoView original
Developer beats the shit out of some fat fuck at a gas station. Film at 11.
bmf (Mike Lee) from Silicon Valley
3 hours, 48 minutes agoView original
I'm surprised the post office didn't consider this credit card bill a "parcel".
phillygirl from Las américas
4 hours, 2 minutes agoView original
Despite what folks will try to tell you, the huge number of people on this planet without fresh water is actually a _thirst_ world problem.
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
4 hours, 2 minutes agoView original
Life is a big fucking asshole sometimes, guys.
fedge (Jeff Barszcz) from Seattle
4 hours, 4 minutes agoView original
I want everyone at Tower Market to understand: if we don't cooperate with our carts, we will all literally die in here. Literally.
hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann)
4 hours, 8 minutes agoView original
Bi, not "Curious" - can I get that on a T-shirt? I need it. For bars & shit. (Another possibility: "Monogamous Bisexual is Not an Oxymoron")
vmarinelli (Victoria Marinelli) from Richmond, VA
4 hours, 9 minutes agoView original
Did you ever mix heroin with Percocet and intermittent shots of the absinthe your buddy Todd brought back from Montreal? Me neither.
pagecrusher (Simon Goetz) from Portland, OR
4 hours, 10 minutes agoView original
discussing facebook with my parents. "why is it called a 'wall'?" they want to know. "and why doesn't your sister want us to see hers?"
echuckles (Elizabeth Chuck) from nyc
4 hours, 20 minutes agoView original
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