At least when Twitter runs an hour behind, nobody live-tweets their suicide attempt.
Balut from Left Coast
3
I NEED A BIGGER DICK.
badkitty_ (badkitty)
4
thursday ate my tuesday. the future was hungry.
eoporto (Elizabeth Oporto) from New York
3
I have no data to support this, but after listening to "Oh Sherrie", I believe that Steve Perry was the #1 cause of divorce in the eighties.
yowhatsthehaps (Sarah!) from Vancouver
4
I'm gonna start smoking just so I can kill everyone by using nothing but my hair.
3
Today I had sex with a complete stranger in an abandoned van down by the river. I can't decide whether to be proud or troubled. Proubled??
Fakeweiler (Fake Detweiler) from Pillaging your mom's panty dra
3
Playing a game at work was bad enough, but I had to explain how the Firefox tab had truncated the name to "Who Has the Biggest Bra..."
lefauxfrog (Mike) from Boston, MA, USA
3
He approached as the train rolled to a stop.
"Sir? Can I ask you a question?" he wondered.
"Apparently you can," I said, exiting the car.
trelvix (Trelvix) from 10017
15
I just enrolled in a Pilates class. It doesn't start for another week, but I'm already practicing my holding in a fart technique.
Aimee_B_Loved (Aimee Brock) from Wichita, Kansas. Seriously.
1 hour, 4 minutes agoView original
7
Ironic Massage Parlors specialize in "Happy" Endings.
rstevens from a little bit 01027, a little b
1 hour, 6 minutes agoView original
5
If I do go into teaching, I'm going to utilize technology -140 char essays via twitter. There'll be no child left behind on my fuckin watch!
nonlinearmind (Jon C) from Washington DC Burbs
1 hour, 11 minutes agoView original
4
I'm sorry I said your breath smells like monkey diaper. Now you apologize for saying I use a "disturbing" amount of toilet paper.
fireland (Joshua Green Allen) from Denver
1 hour, 11 minutes agoView original
15
@SeoulBrother LOLJIZZ will be the next big thing, mark my words. … Um, n.b. when I say "mark" I mean "take note of" not, you know "mark"
tj (Tj) from Hovering over your newly washed car
1 hour, 12 minutes agoView original
3
Watching Cops is a constant reminder for me to never drive a beat-up car, hide drugs in any orifice, or talk to anyone called "Slim Jim."
kariedwards (Kari Edwards) from Chattanooga, Tennessee
1 hour, 15 minutes agoView original
6
Just had a conversation on the damping factors of real vs. fake boobs. Sometimes the geek cannot be contained, even with boob talk.
squibble (Stephen) from In Your Pants
1 hour, 16 minutes agoView original
4
I need Admin management access to my life. No more of this low-level Manager BS.
nonlinearmind (Jon C) from Washington DC Burbs
1 hour, 17 minutes agoView original
6
Just hung the 2009 Year Planner in the office. Crooked. Spending the rest of the day wonkifying the rest of the office to match.
munki (Sarah Wedde) from New Zealand
1 hour, 26 minutes agoView original
4
"Your little friend will turn from a small pumpkin to a big king!" That's so adorable I actually felt bad marking it spam.
Remiel (Remiel Classic™) from Manchester, VT
1 hour, 26 minutes agoView original
11
News from Macworld spotty. iPhoto 09: Why would I want to apply a facial to all my photos? That's weird. Like Japanese game show weird.
SeoulBrother from Tacoma
1 hour, 28 minutes agoView original
12
I'm sure this will shock the hell out of some of you, but not everyone on twitter uses a Mac. It's true. We use these things called PCs.
califmom from The Area of The Bay
1 hour, 30 minutes agoView original
3