Catsitting at my parents' house. They probably didn't think at 30 that I'd take the opportunity to raid the liquor cabinet. Suckers!
superfantastic from Texas. No, really.
3
If you'll humor me and imagine that lover rhymes with Rover, I promise to share some of my dog poetry I wrote when I was drunk, and lonely.
FarkerPeaceboy from Left Edge of U.S.
1 hour, 1 minute agoView original
3
It's going to be real rough when those 600 bathrooms close. I mean, starbucks stores.
echuckles (Elizabeth Chuck) from nyc
1 hour, 43 minutes agoView original
6
"You don't leave Twitter. Twitter leaves *you*." - Ike Turner
(... and Daddy)
SeoulBrother from Tacoma
1 hour, 59 minutes agoView original
11
I don't like food-scented bubble baths. I feel like I'm being marinated. It's unsettling.
shoesonwrong (Annie) from Detroit
2 hours, 6 minutes agoView original
4
If by "leave Twitter" you meant "become the laughingstock of Twitter," your endeavor has met with unparalleled success, sir!
strutting (Jay Hathaway) from Seattle, WA
2 hours, 20 minutes agoView original
4
Spent day w/ non-AJAX friend, her non-AJAX husband and their adorable non-AJAX daughter. Never even tempted to pull out the phone. Good day.
tj (TJ)
2 hours, 30 minutes agoView original
4
Sister just asked if Reagan is still the President. Once I corrected, she replied "But I thought Bush was _our_ dude." You think I'm joking.
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
2 hours, 57 minutes agoView original
7
My pathological need to impress others means my friends know far, far more than is necessary about why ketchup is an amorphous solid.
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
3 hours, 30 minutes agoView original
4
Attention parents! Sending your teenage daughter to comic-con with a "free hugs" sign is a very bad idea.
wilw (Wil Wheaton) from Los Angeles
3 hours, 31 minutes agoView original
6
Upon seeing my trip to the store brought chicken wings, mac and cheese, Capn' Crunch, and beer, @madmann said, "You're getting your period."
hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann)
3 hours, 39 minutes agoView original
15
Mom: "You were telling inappropriate stories?"
Kid: [too quiet]
Mom: "Well, isn't that what inappropriate means?"
Kid: "But it was FUNNY!"
fedge (Jeff Barszcz) from Seattle
3 hours, 43 minutes agoView original
3
Developer beats the shit out of some fat fuck at a gas station. Film at 11.
bmf (Mike Lee) from Silicon Valley
3 hours, 48 minutes agoView original
5
I'm surprised the post office didn't consider this credit card bill a "parcel".
phillygirl from Las américas
4 hours, 2 minutes agoView original
6
Despite what folks will try to tell you, the huge number of people on this planet without fresh water is actually a _thirst_ world problem.
aedison (Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
4 hours, 2 minutes agoView original
5
Life is a big fucking asshole sometimes, guys.
fedge (Jeff Barszcz) from Seattle
4 hours, 4 minutes agoView original
6
I want everyone at Tower Market to understand: if we don't cooperate with our carts, we will all literally die in here. Literally.
hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann)
4 hours, 8 minutes agoView original
6
Bi, not "Curious" - can I get that on a T-shirt? I need it. For bars & shit. (Another possibility: "Monogamous Bisexual is Not an Oxymoron")
vmarinelli (Victoria Marinelli) from Richmond, VA
4 hours, 9 minutes agoView original
4
Did you ever mix heroin with Percocet and intermittent shots of the absinthe your buddy Todd brought back from Montreal? Me neither.
pagecrusher (Simon Goetz) from Portland, OR
4 hours, 10 minutes agoView original
3
discussing facebook with my parents. "why is it called a 'wall'?" they want to know. "and why doesn't your sister want us to see hers?"
echuckles (Elizabeth Chuck) from nyc
4 hours, 20 minutes agoView original
8