Is it possible to unfriend somebody to death?
(Joshua Green Allen) from Denver
67
Had 1 one night stand in my life, finished, left, never called. My appointment at the bank today was with her. Karma is a cruel bastard.
from United Kingdom
39
Alright, who the hell just dyed one of my chest hairs gray? Who does that?! Come on.
(Adam Lisagor) from iPhone: 34.083618,-118.274826
35
I was opening a bank account. She asked if I was going to stay long enough for her to finish this time. Touché, bank teller. Touché.
from United Kingdom
34
Longing for the days when gals like me were labeled "Nervous" and sent away to paint watercolors and drink broth by a soothing seaside.
(Emily) from Louisville, Kentucky
30
Grandma used to nag me. Now she can't talk anymore. Call it a 'stroke of luck'.
(Avery Edison) from Southampton, UK
27
Ok, look, the crying during sex jokes are getting old. I'd like to see you get maced and not cry.
from United Kingdom
26
I like my women like I like my battery backups: Reliable, many inputs, and makes a lot of noise when the lights go out.
(Smart as Shat) from Boldly Going Nowhere
23
Phone calls are an efficient way to ensure two people aren't working at the same time. Unrelated: 7 calls scheduled for today.
(Merlin Mann) from racing to the bottom
23
I like my women like I like my Dick Cheney heart attacks: Coming frequently and devastatingly.
(Smart as Shat) from Boldly Going Nowhere
22
It's all fun and games until someone gets his dick slammed in a drawer.
(Stephanie) from Richmond, VA
21
Holy shit. Last night someone broke into my house, took a dump on the floor, wrote LOL FUCK U SOBERFACE on the wall, and didn't set my alarm
from Manchester, Vermont VT
20
Obesity statistics suggest there's a 1 in 4 chance you're flirting with an obese girl on the Internet. Talking to girls though! High five!
from United Kingdom
19
Sure, McCain will announce his VP pick Friday morning. But on the West Coast we'll have to wait four more days for the mail horses.
(Nick Douglas) from zero to sixty
19
You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
(Zach Galifianakis) from NC
19
This tattoo? Oh, it means "I fucking hate talking to strangers."
(Ainsley Drew) from Portland, Oregon
19
Hey, everybody! Have you heard about IE's big makeover?! IE 8's *way* faster than IE 7 and... Hey, where are you going? Wait, come back!
(John Moltz) from Tacoma, WA USA
18
Judging by Twitter it is clear that pants will be obsolete before the end of this century.
from Falun, Sweden
17
I constantly forget that just because I appreciate a well-written book doesn't mean I could have written it.
(Nick Douglas) from zero to sixty
17
Now that my daughter is too old to fly for free,
I'm getting her a dog suit so she can fly in the cargo hold.
(Josh Donoghue) from Connecticut
17